Month: February 2001

Stories

meeting with ap

met ap.sat thru the whole damn meeting.good for us. then to urth w/lou. who is devastated by j. which i find mind boggling, as he is such a drip. ahh well. i am sure the whole world thinks my choices in men are a bit dodgy..which i guess they are. i worked out for awhile […]

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Stories

good morning to me

good morning to me. feel okay. puffy eyes. going to meet ap for breakfast; i haven’t seen him in two weeks..weird. don’t remember my dreams, really, sort of fragments: being in a resort, trying to get drugs from a pharmacy. going to treat my situations today. believe they will be taken care of without any […]

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blahg
Classics
Stories

fellin’ ok

feel okay.. woke early, went downtown w/La.then met lou for coffee,then worked out for quite awhile. now @.home,d and a are here.cleaning lady was here.everything is lovely. (clean&tidy lovely,that is..) still in gripping fear over all my situations.must meditate or something.fuckin hell. this sux sooo much. i am living like a robot. you aren’t supposed […]

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angry?
Stories

devastated again..

woke up devastated again.. i’m totally at a loss as to what to do. mom called first thing this morning. she is can’t help & we ended up fighting like the old days- so much pain under everything now. i could not stop the feelings of desperation i almost made a phone call i definetly […]

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Stories

want to smoke

tired . had a really great day.not such a great evening. tired and want to smoke…eating instead. will be fat person , i guess. no i ‘ll smoke before i get really fat. or i’ll go to rehab for food addiction . that sounds nice.. 28 days at a nice rehab.. relaxing, going to ‘group’, […]

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Stories

fun night

fun night .didn’t start out so great,i couldn’t motivate at all today..fucking sugar as a nicotine replacement is killing me…i should probably start smoking again, it’d be better for my life. just in general..better i ended up at the gym at 8pm on a friday eve..how semi-pathetic..weird. who knew? anyway, later, wendy, dk, d and […]

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blahg
oldtaint
sadsap
Stories

El Silencio

emailed l. ahh well . i miss him. point blank. i feel better; like a pressure is off ,now that i sent an email. i feel like we were in this stand off…El Silencio. went to the lc this am. actually got there early – sat with db, who is back from nyc for the […]

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Stories

weird nice

dk and i walked up the street ,got coffees and then we walked down to some little used book store and he made me pick out 5 books. it was so nice. weird nice. like the kind of thing you do with a new boyfriend but you are so giddy you miss half the experience..but […]

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blahg
oldtaint
Stories

4:49

it’s 4:49..haha G’s joke on me…well i have tried to ‘take care’ of myself today. i went to the CH..saw CD and karen..left, then went to whole foods.. asked about nerve tonics for smoking cessation..?? got some homeopathic thing.. home.. ate sugar(fuckbadshitbadbad..)..worked alittle . fell asleep(because of sugar , no doubt) woke , ate salad […]

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Stories

woke okay this morning..

woke okay this morning..then ten minutes into being awake, i was jolted into overwhelming feelings of dispair and anger and sadness ..seemingy out of nowhere. was at breakfast with a and c and gordy and david and had to leave the table to fake a phone call because i couldn’t hold it together. The randomness […]

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angry?
blahg
Classics
oldtaint
Stories

so sad and angry

i am so sad and angry i don’t know when this is going to stop i want to smoke more than i’ve ever wanted to do anyfuckingthing in my life. i’m so gaddamned irratating.(oops freudian slip?meant to say irratated..) i am supposed to be at ap’s grammy party, then to karaoke. whatever..i’m still in my […]

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Stories

first relatively happ-ish day in

yesterday was the first relatively happ-ish day in a long ass time.. today i woke early- went back to bed though feel blah grammy’s this eve. i despise awards shows so much but ap just emailed me that he’s having a party , might be fun. i need to get out a bit more , […]

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