so sad and angry

i am so sad and angry i don’t know when this is going to stop i want to smoke more than i’ve ever wanted to do anyfuckingthing in my life.
i’m so gaddamned irratating.(oops freudian slip?meant to say irratated..)
i am supposed to be at ap’s grammy party, then to karaoke.
whatever..i’m still in my workout stuff.
it’s 11pm and i am obsessed with how i feel
i have been for a month.
this writing is definetly helping
Don’t know if i miss the boy or if i miss cigarettes, and i just “think” i miss the boy..?who knows.Have had no contact for quite some time

how can you spend every day with someone for months and confide in them and trust them and then just leave it all..no thankyous or apologies or truths or revelations
nothing
silence
makes me feel sad
and mistrusting of my feelings