woke up devastated again.. i'm totally at a loss as to what to do. mom called first thing this morning. she is can't help & we ended up fighting like the old days- so much pain under everything now. i could not stop the feelings of desperation i almost made a phone call i definetly should not be making. i just feel so overwhelmed if i even think about my situation. i literally could not get out of bed .d came over ..early..tried to help.. had lunch w/lala and d slept later . a's dinner for bday, then to les duex .weird vibe.not a bad time. really like a and n. the kind of couple that gives me hope(?) feel so lonely, crazy fuckinglonely, actually.