Archive for May, 2001
first questions:where were you born?what do you know about the circumstancesof your birth?What is My first memory?
i was born @ lions gate hospital-same hospital dad died in; i was a cesarean(sp?)
mom said
“i went to sleep and woke up with a baby girl”
( the way she says it makes baby having ALMOST doable.)
(ALMOST)
first words out of moms mouth were
“r her ears crooked?” (they are-very notibably)
my name, for a week ,was ‘gabrielle’-
-until dad’s best friend referred to me as ‘gabby’ and dad hung-up on him , turned to mom,who was watching a soap opera and still doped up on meds
“we have to change the name..”
the soap opera was called ‘peytonplace’- the stars name is my name today…..
My first memory is ..god, i don’t know. i think being in a baby seat and looking at a table with with papermache fruit on it, and all the grownups legs around the table(?)
the excercise of writing in this format and following through with missives i send myself, is purty cool.
feel like i am being accountable to myself….now i hve to be accountableto the dawg,too. i gots to take him fer anuthah walk…perhaps i’ll run into cute neighbourhood boys…when i had max the first we would walk a certain route that passed all the cute boys houses in the hood..except.. WITHOUT FAIL (this is the goshdarned sadsad truth)max the first would always take a dump on one of the cute boys lawns…oh the mortification..of picking up stinky steamy dog poop and trying to look sexy
listening to pj harvey’yousaid something” i want to send it to ykw.it’s too perfect. fuck .
n came over and l emailed me. and i emailed her back. weird . she said she’s been very depressed but no mention of why i haven’t heard from her in two months. maybe she was using. hope not. more shall be revealed, iguess , in time.
she actually just called here but i didn’t answer,because idon’t feel like seeing her or talking to her today. too selfish of me?i don’t think so, but i am realizing that all this stuff happeneing around me is in conjunction with doing my ‘manifestations’ oir visualizations or whtaever thay are./.they are actually effecting my outside circumstances..
had breakfast w/ cute boy and cute dog of his. oh my , he is sexy. very rude ,though.funny rude.
so exihillarting(sp?) spending flirty time with cuteboy.charges my whole day. it’s cinqo de mayo and everyone and their dog is in malibu-don’t think i’ll go- went to virgin, bought a bunch of cd’s.now waiting for n to come over and bring pictures to load into the website
having dinner with mp..haven’t hung out in sooo long. could be weird. but it’ll be fun .perhaps a few others should be invited into the mix.
don’t know if i want to be one on one w/ her.maybe jb ..
just got back from dinner. so much fun. lak’s new boy,jq, is awesome.so funny. he just did a rap record and his producer joined us after dinner and he was the coolest guy. colin. he ‘advised’ me on mixing boards etc. jb was with us also. ajp went home early . good to see him alone for a few minutes before eveyone else arrived. we are all going to malibu for the day tomorrow. nice.
ab and s and gg sat behind us at dinner tonight, so it was like being at two dinner parties at once.feel happyier than i did before i left.
feel alot of energy coursing through me. don’t know how to channel it. i am drinking a ‘B3′ energy drink..i think it works
hmm i feel scattered. a just called. she wanted her mail and rather than getting her to come inside, i just gave it to mf(who she was picking up)i’m over the whole deal of being judged and talked about. i let it all go.so there.
ajp sent me a very sweet email and we are having dinner at the restaurant w/lak and jq.i have to pretend that i don’t know they are doing ‘it’..could be funny-.wonder who else will be at the table.
thinking alot about ykw right now. just miss his humour and companionship. shit , i could almost cry , but not quite.
don’t feel obsessed with the ‘why’s'anymore..just a little sad at the outcome’s resulting absense.
it’s the time of day..just before sundown , when i would usually be getting ready to hangout w/him.i was always so pleased to see him
never failed. i just got happy being around him-i don’t know if i’ve ever had that before. that’s probably the reason that i am having so much difficulty getting over it.
i am feeling so drained. gawd i hope i ‘m not getting sick. not such a big deal if i am, cause idon’t have anything to do this weekend (that can’t be cancelled.) but i just don’t have anyone around..ya know to take care of me or whatever.
shit I just realized iam allerigic to soy!!!EVERYtime i get a soy honey latte at urth:i end up thinking i am getting sick and coughing for hours.
sheez.glad i figured that out.
now i am going to continue my abundance experiment -lie down and visualize my life as it will be.
err ….as it IS.
so i went to the lc2 this morn and lak was there. so nice to see her. she is madly in love -but it is an icky situation..the guy with whom she is falling in love with(and he with her) is her best frinds ex…See lak was consoling him after she (lak’s bff)dumped him and moved back home and the consoling led to lust etc etc.
oh i do not envy her, i know about this first hand . very similar to me and jf’s getting together.
anyway..nice to see her. went to urth after much chatter outside and i got really pms-y -actually had a hissy fit over not having a table and others sitting in my seat.gawd i was so awful that i had to call and apologize to w and mi.
i feel shitty,i acted very baby-ish.
the light is so pretty in my house at this time of the morning. feels very hopeful or something.
kak is coming into town this weekend. she has she hired a town car becaause she stll can’t drive. fun .