Archive for December, 2001
great talk with lak. feels like forever since we have chatted like that.
the party is going to be non smoking.huh. that’ll show em.they’ll have to smoke outside in the cold.
so nice to see ie!!!
he just drove me home from the mtg. ad was there had a good smoking convo. ugh.
she is good for me though. cause i think we smoked for the same reasons.
hmm. i am a bit nervous about today and not having a car to do all this shit.
i’ll figure this out some how
everyone is home or enroute. feel very good. had a nice visit with hil. talked to ns and now organizing for tomorrow. cant hardly figure out what to do first!
clean redecorate cook paint …..should be fun. i feel so clear as to what is really going on now. i am just having feelings and they are not facts , obiviously.
am feeling overwhelmed with work (lack there of…)so it trickles into my head and other less important areas of my life…so there. all solutioned out. i got it. it’s time to purge some of this shit inside me from the last year or so. it’s the day before the last day and i am about done with all the excess baggage of others and my own little parcels of shit.
i will be gone with them by the nights end, thank u very much.
nice day. woke up – borrowed ch’s car got some groceries…well coffe stuff. then ab came and got me and we went to 3 and g , didn’t stay. talked to redhaired alison. and colby.
then we went to the 11 45 meeting. laren was there so was owen….hmmmm.
then ad rs ab and lele and i went for lunch at the vienna cafe . ch stopped by for a visit.
then i went over to the store and tried on courds…got two pairs of awesome brown courds …as part of trade..
nice.
then i did some stuff 4 ch here and now i am home thinking about shit.
like smoking.
and sobriety
and living in LA.
why am i feeling so damned heavy these past two days?
period etc. i guess. but i am feeling very unsettled and i want to know why or MORE importantly…i want a solution.
perhaps i should smoke. yep thats it i think.
my head is swirling with info . not good info . but weird sorta bad/ gossipy info. i am not exactly sure what i know to be real and what is
what a weird evening. went to bed at 8. woke at 3ish. watched tv etc.
went back to bed . ? sooo confused. weird odd feel very disillusioned with things. certain things.
other things are good. i am just trying to figure out what is really going on
sign my godamned gbook please. am sitting home , sat eve. dinner at the indian place. yum.
ch is here. guess where? i just went to the video store and rented a few videos- funny thing- i have not done that in years…years LITERALLY
listening to hm . i dont think i can get sick of this cd ever. his lyrics kill me. they are so good.
cause much emotion in me.
will paint and draw and write all weekend. and cook.
i installed a guest book….please sign it. i need stuff to do. i ‘m bored.
what can i write about?
how about how i came here; well after traipsing about central america and mexico and colorado and asia attempting trying to find myself and the perfect “high”( at the same time?)..i ended up overdosing on a lethal injection of opiates and cocaine.at my parents home in vancouver.
whoops. so i was quickly whisked off to sunny southern california to a nice little rehab called “anacapa by the sea”
i , at first, claimed i was there for depression…i WAS not an addict.
funny how that changed when i started talking to the kids in there and exchanging ‘war stories” of drug use and mine were far SUPERIOR(??) and with much higher risk than those around me…so i suceeded to the group(although not yet to myslef) that i was indeed an addict.
some how i find myself in a state of reflection and need of change.
i want to be in la but i want more frommy relationships. i want to be in a place where work is steady and fun. where i am happy about the jobs i ahve and the money iss flowing in , legally.
i need to find a person to ‘make me legal’
fundamental changes are in order for my life.
starting with living situation.
put up a new kind of format with a bio on myself?whatever i am just trying to occupy myself. think i’ll clean