Archive for July, 2002
woah. wild week. got a concussion on monday afternoon. slept and sick for a few days…
hung out with ms all week.hes moving in..
this weekend: went to re ‘s bday at thw wilt chamberlain house..it was weird and fun.
i was with ns all weekend..hes been bummed, went to rodeo, selby AND sundowners.
tonght i went to les duex and ran into colby..had a very intensley eye opening convo…i thought i was crazy thinking ch was still hung up on dl..but he was..or is, i mean.
i am officially insomniatic. 5 days w/out sleep. its insane. i just went for a swim..all misty out and shit. cool.
my hearing is shot. its like i was at a concert last night and they (my ears) are still ‘ringing’ cept the ringing is loud and fuzzy and sharp-all at once
dont know quite what to do..each day i dont sleep the less social i can be and the more i become introverted and hermitlike.
supposed to be speaking at a mtg this eve…
feel odd. havent reallly slept the last few days..a lot on my mind, i guess.
or not enough maybe?
good weekend..as sent me an email wondering what was wrong…i didnt have the strength to tell her i knew what she had said about me. i am already so hurt and perplexed by all this. hil and i had intuitive hits about this and i guess we (I) should have listened to them.;
its not like i wasnt warned of her instability i am going to pray for her tonight and for the next few weeks and really visualize her as a happy safe loved and honest person
sunday i [picked up mjk and ie at the airport..then mjk and i hung out at the house.
went to dinner with a fun group on sunday bh and dravens nephews camwe. dl was there..(swoon)
ns hil ls ie Very nice to see Ls as ie has seemingly sequestered her to his place for months ..it seems.
then monday…fairly chaos free…got mjk organized . he had lunch with dl -i did laundry. then ie and ls came up top the house and we loaded all the precious wine into my car. then i proceeded (with ls) to follow the boys in the porsche in the heat of the day thru brutal traffic to inglewood to the forum. ugh
mellow before the show dhl and al and mh came down.had an amazingly revealing and honest convo with al and mh
we had fun. hil and ns2 bought tix and met us there.
the actual show was perhaps one of the most amazing experiences in my life thus far. i felt small and overwhelmed and ecstatic and energized and loving and like a little kid and a parent all at the same time.
it’s funny how i dont relate the person on stage to the mjk i know.the fans went WILD.
so proud.
got a post card from ch. must of sent it the day he left.
worked with cw all day ..dk came over and saved the day (or the book)
then met coleycole and mw and spent afternoon in the pool and eve at meeting…with hil and ns too. then dinner at the indian place ..
funny. then saw coleys newly decorated apt. then ns and i met hil and we went to ledome…nico was having a thing..then we went by the standard..it was absolutley awful…unbearable for me.
this week has been like the opening of my solar plexus..i cried so hard and felt like it would never stop. i can still feel the feeling in my tummy of overwhelming grief..but it’s distant and calmer now. i howled like a dog yesterday. the hurt was deep. i felt like i finally realized how much i betray myslef by being in these relationships..it has notheing to do with them except i pick them for the abuse of my soul body etc…hopefully i am aware of my value for now and will stay away from this sort of being from now on and just see them with compassion and love. i feel sad and i miss chris. the parts i miss arent real though. i only miss what i gave hiom..i put in sooo much for a few seconds of him being pplayful and goi g into monkey talk.i totally lost my sense of who i am and what i am capable of, its bummed me out so hard that i couldnt even see the difference in the perspective anymore. i am so able to move thru this and not lose the lesson. i chose this situaation on earth and i must learn it or repeat it..
jk sent me this this am..OH MAH GAWDfree francis bean.
felt sick again today. shitty i am so over this
slept a long stint of the aafternoon away..only eason i got up was because mom was here and i had to .
went to erewhon and bookstore ..tried to do the post office but the line was insane.
whatever.
i am now going to mtg. then diner with gk and mom.
hope i feel better soon.
mom is here. awesome. doing bills then running then tea at elixir.