Archive for December, 2002
tonight jauna’s addicione….yeah. im psyched.
dave’s bday at midnight.should be fun . dont know if ill go to the after party. i may be beat.
who knows.
it’s just great to be going andnot have to figure out what to do for newyears.
feel very close to connection with universe. odd time right now(when is it NOT an odd time in my life??!!)
feel slike i’m living in a spiritualized song.cried today, finally.
feel sensitive to others energy-know i need to do something different. am scared of thinking about the new year,
must follow my instincts though. yoga.
christmas 2002 is officially over .
i’m so grateful for all the people aropund me this xmas. and for all the events that are helping me to see who i have become. i have grown out of so many of my old patterns(thank g-d)
db came over as a late night santa , wirth presents for us all. how sweet.
went to rodney mtg. shared-feels good to be part of something spiritual.
thanks to the universe
odd not having cole around. i miss her alot..even when she was here..she felt like she wasnt..really here.i dunno. changes shifts always.
spiral in out.whatever. i am feeling like i am in the divine oder of my life right now. let go of control all the time. it will (IS) working out for me..perfectly. i am married and have awesome friends and good stuff all around me.
nice am. woke went to ie’s hung with erwin and cat(oops forgot his name)
then up to mjk’s to hang with those cats and fish.
then to lc ..left as i have heard the speaker before.went to meet rf and her italian diver boy/man.
at urth. then home . got the garage cleaned out finally (3 years later!!) abe and lea are moving..weird.
mw just got home.now bathing then to ie’s then sundowners.supposed to see fern at 330 or 4. hmm. i am feeling anxiety over tomorrow. mom arrives at 12 45 and i have to be at the house for all the work people at that time..
nice am. woke went to ie’s hung with erwin and cat(oops forgot his name)
then up to jk’s to hang with those cats and fish.
then to lc ..left as i have heard the speaker before.went to meet rf and her italian diver boy/man.
at urth. then home . got the garage cleaned out finally (3 years later!!) abe and lea are moving..weird.
mw just got home.now bathing then to ie’s then sundowners.supposed to see fern at 330 or 4. hmm. i am feeling anxiety over tomorrow. mom arrives at 12 45 and i have to be at the house for all the work people at that time..
campfreddie this eve.umm. well . it was fun. i danced alot. ahmet was great.he sang ‘feel like making luv.”so awesome.
bereal was there. sang rocksupahstar.
very cool. also nika costa.more tomorrow..im too tired
i see my life quite clearly right now. i amno longer upset about cole. i am fullof love and forgivness both for me and everyone else.
i know i am not a bad friend ’cause i have never showed up or been as present as i have been for someone as i have in the last year. i know my truth and i am ok
i pray that she is ok and that there is resolution. and love and mmore fun times ahead for us-together.
i am not freaking out like i used to..maybe because i know she is more like a sister and i REMEBER all the sweet things i felt and she said and i still believe them..i am not ready to discard any of it.
except for mjk being a party of our lives .it will all woprk out becaus ei have let it go and and can envision the joy ahead and now.
odd quiet weekend. woke sat and went met z at virgin with jam. then coffee and took jam to therapy. then met rf and her italian hottie , then to work till 1 30. then to see solaris with my husband. good . then swingers with df and mw. then movies at home. worked on choptop and eddie sites also bny site. supposed to drive dia to the airport but i SLEPT THROUGH THE ALARM!!!i cant believe it..df took her(fwwff)nice morning …went to larchmont with mw -we sat and talked for 2 hours..now we are home. goin to meet cousin and z at the 11;45 mtg.
evrything seems weird and sad. spent the day w/jam and z and they are both devasted.
so i took on some of this..also cole is very over me.
aparently i have been a really bad friend and she feels hurt and angry at me.
nothing i can do.oh well..i guess no party this eve,i cant even be bothered to call anyone about it.
i feel like its last year all over again.fuck it. fuck it.
open letter to myself: how blessed r u? being able to hang out with the awesome loving fun people i do..and have a great home for me and my husband..and have a great car and be able to have people over for dinner (like this eve)and go to a party and leave and go to athe 100 and see more great people..then come home and play on my computer and talk about the eve with mw.
i am blessed.
ok ’nuff to me.
odd week with z in the hospital and work and people etc. not bad-just alittle off the center -gave me some perspective, i guess.