Archive for November, 2004
some kind of wonderful rules
touchy subject ahead:ive been writing online since along time ago.nothing noteworthy. just exhibisionist style ramblings about nothing.some things have gotten me in shit, by mistakenly being read by the wrong eyes.but…in general, over the long haul..its been therapy via purgeing my thoughts.to no one on nothing.but lateley ive made a rather large lifestyle choice that is seeming to be worth documenting on here..because getting clear unbiased objective thoughts on its effects is not possible.You see.. i was sober ( abstinant from all mind altering thingyies) for over 6 years.i m involved in a large community of sober people..all finding& helpingeachother to a way out of some lifestyle into a another.usually one with deeper personal meaning , on all levels.nothing hocusy pocusy..just how to live a life outside the trappings of selfcentered thinking.it is a remarkable undescribable community that is filled with my friends and family.over the last year i had a shift..not bad, just started to peice my own ideas and thoughts together for the first time as an adult, with self esteem…and came to some awesome and scary realizations for myself.;i wasnt growing anymore..i had shut my openvalve and was spitting out dirty water overflow…nothing new coming in on the personal developement front.i felt stagnant..so i tried to reasses..and do certain formulaic prescriptions.no need to go over the process..as it was mostly an internal evolution that brought me to a galss of champagne at a moet party during fashion week.nothing right?well, with the way my life is setup and my relationships work..this glaass of moet altered things.some were small tilts of alteration..others seem to be big old boulder toppling avalanche style alterations.lots of nuances involved.things are changeing in my relationships , to say the least.getting it?i have lots of rad coolfriendships that i have made during my sober years..what i realized last year was…i had became a. the sober girl from canada..you know friends with xxx and xyx?oh yeah the sober girl.ahah.this got me.
no nyc this wek. damn. its ok, there r lots of fun things to do, instead.last night i went to the spazmatics with d.we got there really late but had fun.(as usual)looked for cuteboy, to introduce myself.didnt happen.. he disappears after the show.the hotty looked happy & hot.par usuale.lots of couples macking on the dancefloor..weird.morty was saggitaurus promoting.spider this eve with bw?-he just left after a full day of work ( full for he and i, at least)we always get side tracked but eventually everything will work out.
talking about past shit with d,
its soo odd to remember what it is i used to live for ( not heroin)
travelling outside adventure fun new worlds
i got sober in la and have stayed true to the stayed and true lifestyle of non adveturous-ness.
its been good to me, but its now irked me into restlessness.
i feel like an old part of myself woke up tonight.
nyc with dkp is done.
we r going to get out of here and go to where the boyz r
the really cute fun sexy artfaG types are. ie; the ones that luv us r
happy fuckin thangsgiving
we r listening to marianne faithfull on da couch makin plans
beware
yep its all a lie
proof is all around me.
in vegas for opening thingy
40 deuce and Juicy Couture Store opening thingy;
flew in their private jet …i felt soo ill.. sat alone and slept.
nice room at The hotel, lara s is here, as are AK and louie.
met nicki h , who seems very sweet..
the store is in a mall..me, lfb, nicki, and lara s went this afternoon to peruse the store..and at one point i went to the toilet and when i came back..they had closed the fricking store cause vegas is not LA and the people had caught wind of lfb being there..( and possibly nicki?) and there were swarms of gawkers crammed infront of the store.. i had to flag the security guards to let me back in..
The opening party was at the same spot -in the mall – boring, and uncomfortable due to celebs style broohahha in samll space.. had to make myslef small.
went to 40 deuce after.. kevin ( nicki’s bf) came up to me during the party and said he thought i was cute for crashing out on the plane this am.
flight home was a nightmare.. all flights were cancelled due to weather.. but we , of course HAD to fly.. so they bussed us to another airport.. and we got on a plane.. crazy flight.. sat in the back with kevin and nicki and ? gay hairdresser guy who was funny.. kevin broke down the secrets hidden in the wizard of oz film ( which we watched to overcome insane turbulance). and finally we arrived in lovely downtown vannuys.
ahh.yeas.
the life of friend-2-the-famous is , if nothing else, blog worthy.
mw and i spent the evening being dumbasses.
truly.
cumulated in skateboarding for rootbearfloats.
had a nice visit with dr today- hadnt seen him in months – he came by picked me up went to the jewbean.
seems tortured though.
it breaks my heart for him.
see?
another pieceof evidence to add proof to my ever growing arsenal
that relationships suck and romantic love is a lie
so there
since coming back from canyon this am, i havent left the g-damn screen.
feel like i should go out for a walk or sumthing, just to get away fom computer.
guess im going away this weekend.
some party in vegas. flying out on saturday back sunday am.
its free so i cant complain!
and we’re being styled out.
i feel weird about alot of things right now. but i not bad bad weird,
just thinking about people and stuff , as i decipher the best way to designinfo layout ..
bo-r-i-n-g.
also watching dr doolittle.
i miss britishcolumbia when i see bears and mountains (presently in dr.dolittle )
its so funny how none of my friends here even know that as a kid we got picked up from school during ‘bear season’
when we lived in whistler-I dont think theyd believe me. i never cared about these things when i lived there..now (in my mind) i feel like ms.grzzly.adams, because of it. in my mind, mind you. i still get a little tripped out when it gets dark and im above hollywood blvd. ha
mom called from pakistan again. couldnt hear a fucking word.
hope she’s staying sober
since coming back from canyon this am, i havent left the g-damn screen.feel like i should go out for a walk or sumthing, just to get away fom computer.guess im going away this weekend.some party in vegas. flying out on satrday back sunday am.its free so i cant complain!and we’re being styled out.i feel weird about alot of things right now. but i not bad bad weird,just thinking about people and stuff , as i decipher the best way to designinfo layout ..bo-r-i-n-g.also watching dr doolittle.i miss britishcolumbia when i see bears and mountains (presently in dr.dolittle )its so funny how none of my friends here even know that as a kid we got picked up from school during ‘bear season’when we lived in whistler-I dont think theyd believe me. i never cared about these things when i lived there..now (in my mind) i feel like ms.grzzly.adams, because of it. in my mind, mind you. i still get a little tripped out when it gets dark and im above hollywood blvd. hamom called from pakistan again. couldnt hear a fucking word.hope she’s staying sober
its 8:02 ;i’ve run and
now im sitting in awesome-ness that is my living room .
..i took all the shit(clutter) out ,over the last few weeks and finally
it seems to be where i need it to be.
rug that dloh got me rules sooo much. i will never underestimate the design eye of dannylohner again.
now i must figure out if im moving the office or not.
hmmmm
i like my life in this moment very much.
nothing but fun desicions
running makes me euphoric a bit, i think.
i know..i just forgot.
its a good euphoria though.
i ve got my notes and cameras and pb all spread before me with awesome mixes from L.c playing..
perhaps i may have some caffeine now.crazy
everything is so beautiful this morning.
long run
felt soo good.
getting back on cycle with running.
fin-a-fuck-ingly
a came to visit
she is very down.
so rather than work and bum out, i got out of myself and listened.
m took her to her doctor, she was soo bummed
now maria is here and i m preparing for new clients.