being here

ive been here since last week , and its ok. very quiet , and calm-save for last night..fd and i went out to cittas., of all fucking places ‘specially…with him.(?)
parveen was working. and if clark or brad had been there, it would of been 9 years ago.
except i was there with fd.
Who, 10 yrs ago, wouldn’t dare set foot in there , especially with  me.
it was the symbolic spot of my infidelity.
or the haunting ground of pd, with whom i commited  said infidelity.
but now, it seems, 8 years after  i removed myself from this place and all the chaos i created…I am barely a side note.its funny, actually. watching him, holding court there….to me , when i lived here, cittas was the quite literally, the center of the universe…
where we would go everyday after getting off the hill. everyday..in boots with boards outside , drinking , with parveen as bartender and clark rolling drum and having pints before work at the restaurant.
i guess its still the same place, but as im still the center of my universe, and i am not orbiting anywhere near there,’cept for my jaunt last night. it felt kinda meloncholly , if i am to be honest. i even came home and made playlists..thematic playlists.
cheese ball that i am.

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