fun night .didn’t start out so great,i couldn’t motivate at all today..fucking sugar as a nicotine replacement is killing me…i should probably start smoking again, it’d be better for my life.
just in general..better
i ended up at the gym at 8pm on a friday eve..how semi-pathetic..weird.
who knew?
anyway, later, wendy, dk, d and i met here(after i worked some of the sugar out of my system)
We then tryed to go to m right down the street..but bailed after 5 minutes..not really our scene , although the dj rawked..(J).
then we went and tryed rick c’s new place..cool little bar…no girls just hot guys…not a really good place for my manfast…
then to b.- danced for a few hours - then to sw. to eat …fun tiring different ..not searching for a boy is relaxing.
i mean, i still look -ALOT- but that’s it.
sooo tired.
feel ready to figure out something or have something happen..i duuno what, just something.
mercury is starting to move out of retrograde now…..YEAH
fun night
El Silencio
emailed l.
ahh well . i miss him. point blank. i feel better; like a pressure is off ,now that i sent an email.
i feel like we were in this stand off…El Silencio.
went to the lc this am. actually got there early - sat with db, who is back from nyc for the week.
we laughed our asses off. feels so good to be coming out of this.
don’t want to jinx anything,but i feel okay and i’m awright,fer now..
not suicidal at least.
breakfast at lulu’s w/dk, wendy and jeffrey .
fun.Trevor cancelled again. no money for another day, iguess.fuckassshitfuck.oh well.
today i’ll work out .meeting w/jh at 2pm.work on monitors layup for sc.
dancing tonight.
weird nice
dk and i walked up the street ,got coffees and then we walked down to some little used book store
and he made me pick out 5 books.
it was so nice.
weird nice. like the kind of thing you do with a new boyfriend but you are so giddy you miss half the experience..but because d is d and we are what we are to each other, i got to be fully present and smell the book store smell and really look for books i wanted and just be peacful.not be occupied by pheromones or oxctocin(?)
wow. this is amazing. i really see the way i am when i am dating someone. i ‘m like on drugs or sumthin.
i’m so glad i am on this fast from dating. i need to have tons more experiences like today before i can think of romance.
