what it was like

what it was like; well idont know if i was born an alcoholic addict- i do know that everyone in my mother and fathers family are riddled with addictions…so i come by it honestly.
my childhood was idyllic in setting- loving upper middle class hippie mom and dad, who loved me very much and were amazing parents- the only problem , it seems , was me. i remember ,from a shockingly early age, feeling like there was a ‘pit’ in my tummy. i didnt know what it was -i just knew i was sad and hopeless at 5 -for seemingly no reason. my first addiction started early- i learned to read and to escape my feelings of emptiness i engrossed myself in serial books- nancy drew, the bobsy twins, encyclopedia brown, choose u’r own adventure, sweet valley high…etc
i could completely escape in these stories.
Soon afterwards, though, i discovered an even better anecdote for my pit:marijuana- i stole it from my mom and dad at 11 and smoked it with my friends in the woods behind our school-at first it was just to ‘do it’-then slowly it became the new medicine…this soon slipped into drinking and more drugs- mushrooms acid and more.
it all worked so well. i became happy and popular – i always had fun -and i was always the life of the party.People wanted to be around me, in high school.
it all worked.
till it didnt.
this spiral down started after graduation when all my partying friends went off to university-assholes- leaving me with no-one to play with.
so i decided i would go insearch of the party ..travel the world-
i started in europe- very typical -drunk with other north american kids riding eurorail…then i decided to go east to nepal and india and thailand-there is where i got my first taste of heroin. my spiral down picked up speed at this juncture- i came home to everyone thinking i was so courageous and eccentric for blowing off school to ‘see’ the world..when in reality i was on a wild race to escape from my feelings…and medicating them enroute.when i came home from asia- i also discovered that my home town was a mecca for heroin. a real hot bed of china white..i fooled around with it for awhile before i took off again to mexico and guatamala and belize..and eventually cuba-smoking copious amounts of crack cocaine throughout these destinations. memories of this part of the world are very jumbled and fleeting-yet ican so easily conjure up the taste of chemical honey-that was crack.
tomorrow iwill tell you ‘what happened’