fleeting serenity

gl’s bday party-sit down dinner at falcone…woah. i had a nice time-sat with a guy visiting from canada(victoria)very nice and cool.drove mel to a party downtown-ugh-then to feed the cats in bw.so nice here.so peacful-havent felt this much serenity in a long time-qat least since canada-so actually only a week.

dlo ie and ls went out to the funeral today-very sad.three suicides in ten days. mom is doing well-mtgs etc. i need to let this shit go- i cant function with with chaos- yet i draw it in. i feel so conflicted .it is like watching a movie or a bad dream..cant control the outcome- just want everyone to be nice and happy. including myself.
i am happy- i love the people in my life. i have to remember this.especially when i feel like the world is caving in because everyone else is unhappy(seemingly)it is magic when i remember my happiness and am able to feel it amidst whatever is happening outside. but i know that i am staring to go back (or forwardor horizontal or whatever)-to the place of being in peace. i feel it tonight.