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loneliness has crept up on me today. this afternoon. the morning was good. great infact..but all of a sudden i am sad. lonely to be exact.
i am in that stage of emppty nothingness lonely pit feeling.
i dont know who to call what to do to make it go away.
i imagine lying in bed ordering carbohydrate packed foosds and watching satelitte..or calling some random person top go it somewhaere and gossip and feel seen.
or none of the above or go to an A mtg.
fuck. i dont feel any motivation to do any of it,
my mother is arriving tomorrow for 12 days and i am excited. there is actually noone i would rather be hanging with right now.
my bf of 8 months andbroke up 2 weeks ago. long overdue..as he was breaking my heart (maybe more my ego..) every other day.
angry angry boy, my favorite type.
now we are getting along great and spent friday day together and had soomuch fun and sexual energy..it sux. cause it leaves me feeling like this. lonely.
i just dont understand why , at 31 and peolpe always telling me how beautiful i am and great blah blah..i dioot ever have a bf who loves me as much as i him.it terribly devastating and discouraging and it causes me awful setbacks in my life.
like now.
i want to change everything. i want a new life. i want a job and new sret of friends. wekll i dont have a job dso that ewoulfd