As im sinking..

i m looking for something to encapsulate what this feels like.
i am slow and methodical . Not reaching or needy like. Just like when you wake up after having finally slept a full nights sleep and you cant really focus on the inside ..just yet …what day is it? where am i?. what..?

..all comes in delayed synapses.
Thats what this feels like.kind of. Except this is much longer and less passive. it feels rather urgent , inside, this looking for focus. I just cant see what happened. clarity only comes in my physical desires. to laugh at the absurdidty. to MAINTAIN and not shock anyone with how much i am in shock over this.
the absurdity. THE ABSURDITY. the justification and passive way it happens. OH MY GAWD THE ABSURDITY.