i am in awe of people.

Disillusionment:
n.
The act of disenchanting.
The condition or fact of being disenchanted

ive been like zach galifinakis’s character in the hangover- thinking we’re all in this together:
i see how even after the great weedout a few years ago- of filler people- whom i allowed to fill my time with crazy request fufillment…i still follow this pattern in almost every remaining relatioship- i obiviously don’t voice my need to be included properly .

i have not learned to take proper care of my own requests.. or the needs i would have to have met in order to be living like a happier vs of me.
~weird sidenote: the one friend who has been unconditionaly giving and trully saved my ass from dark depths along the way – also is the one person i’ve( and noone i know has) never ever credited with kindness. like never. note to self: SEND THANKYOU CREDIT TO YKW

it all makes me terribly sad and full of self pity BUT the good thing is i am , right now..as in this moment in time… questioning and reevaluting every single element that is the makeup of my life’s structure.

scary place but i feel a great bit of renewed hope that i’ll create something – life plan wise..from this self imposed suck-ass state i find myself in;
any ideas for my next section on this planet?

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