john maeda is the coolest

john maeda , via his site and  summations, has become  my_mentor.(byproxy)
and this is noteworthy beeecause….??welll..ive been  a bit stuck in self pity nightmare , of late…embarrassingly due to my last client,James( who rules, btw) simply asking me for a link to a resume , so he cpould post it on his site..

Now, due to my me-ness,  i ve not only NOT given him the simple textbyte he asked for, but ,as u can read,
ive dvelged up all sorts of fuckin annoying early-twenties angsty ghosts…
“oh no..what is the underlying passion that drives me”..”i dont know who i am anymore”…
“what  my purpose…my goals”, etc….so gaddamn boring. and trully upsettingly annoying.
but fear for me not: from that freshly picked scab ive narrowed down my newly discovered soulsearch to this:
i am  trying to formulate a clear picture of myself for myself, in the form of  a neat tidy paragraph that states my skills , my life purpose,  my goals..and then , in the (highly unlikely) case i were to  have  ANY descions to make  or questions to answer, like..ever again in my soon to be awesome future…i ‘d be prepared.
  So, in commitment to this goal, at least..i ve packed up work for a bit , and been quite literally, on  a soul search online. It has me spend hours searching others’ portfolios and bios, to see if they outline anything that remotely resonates with  what might be me or the me id like to be …..tiny snippets , perhaps , explaining what the fuck is it that i do for work, or

but , for all of our relief…..
today i had a breakthrough ‘ah-hah ‘ moment….  …I was at a pathetic random overwhelmed by itall/nothing teary moment thinking, ‘im sofuckin’fuckedcause i have no sense of self and ill never be focused enough to have a real purpose,let alone commit to a nice sweet boy** “  but today it dawned on me when i re-read this at a pivotal instance in my head-trip..
the gift

**please ‘scuse the last boy bit…seems i always come back to the lack of love/lust in moments of  self pity*

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