brother is here.

brother is here. have yet to see him. spent the a.m. with brent at the hospital.
i don’t know why i feel so okay with being there. i am not scared of that enviroment-
i am scared of boredom and what that does to me,essentially.
how do i get to a place of prespective.
purpose and sense
.whatever that means…
i feel lost in a sea of my own life and i am floating aimlessly towards i don’t know land and that terrifies me.
ambiguity terrifies me. i like definitive.
structure that i can manipulate…freedom with purpose
does any of this make sense or do i sound like a teenager tryng to figure out free floating angst again?