saturday was an odd (off?) day. slept in. desire to call L. had not really subsided.
called. fuck shit hell piss crap. i can’t believe i did.i was soo good for sooo long. i am so angry at him, though
i don’t know for sure what it is i’ll say if he calls back. i mean that statement in itself is *brutal*…’if’ he calls back. ??/
i should be able to know that if i call someone in my life , that they will def. call me back…but i don’t have that sort of safety with him
love with the safety off.oh fuck.
later went to meeting w/ ap then dinner w/ he lisa, amy, susannah, a, ab, mark:fun bunch.
we had a gas. one girl was’pschic’??
kept telling me my relationship wasn’t over.
made me feel better in a weird way.shame spiral over calling hasn’t really set in, perhaps it won’t?
ya rite, after tonight it surely will…wht am i going to say if he calls?