Posts Tagged ‘writing’
its going to be different this year. Really. I’m almost finished writing out my manifesto or whatever gayness you’d call it. sort of the overview of what lastyear was( and wasnt) and what this year will be .
d s making fun of the fast that both he w and i had such old person resolve to wipe away the past year and equated the cleanslate vibe as a sign of old age. perhaps it is. but last year was a non year for me. it was the most non year i ever had. i accomplished nothing. i had no great tragedy nor feats. It was the worst year of my life in many ways. edit
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Technorati Tags: direction, hollywood, life, life_path, me, purpose, tannerc
Perhaps i have insomnia?, add?, lack of something….but for some reason
..i ended up staying up way too late even though im exhausted…and perusing local blogs. i dont do this often anymore..seemed for awhile it got to be less interesting when every teenager in asia started a blog and id somehow end up on those…but with recent discover of local community rolls..a la ‘lablogs‘ etc etc…i got to looking and reading..some really fuckin awesome sites . blogs with the same base purpose and enjoyment that i have..which i like..not monitary based,..and not ‘contrived’… more outlet based.
Funnily , the one i ended up reading the longest was Tom Greens, i’d seen it last year some time..xmas i think.. and i remember liking it alot, but as i tend to do..i forgot about it..but there it was tonight on blogebrity, i believe..and as i ve been feeling homesick-ish as of late..it was comforting to read. First cause he’s canadian ..and because hes been writing from up there( sakatchewan , and ottawa to be exact,) and one of the first blurbs i read..he referrenced Farely Mowat damn! that got me.wolves and owls…tres canadianne
i forgot how much i loved those books.
and he got to meet Jean Chretian, and it just had a lovely canadian tone.. down to hanging with his parents (sorta) playing trivial pursuit .
he just seems like a nice smart grounded boy. *but then again i seem alot of things via this that i dont think i am in real life…oh what do i know?..im definetly over tired, dude.*
anyway..its a great site.
all this perusing got me thinking , too..about how weird & common “blogging” is….
DISCLAIMER: i am about to do ‘back when i started blogging” thing..but its not meant to be a condescending or territorial..just observatory and speculative ..allright?k..
so..carry on my wayaward sons:
Back when i started doing this ( writingnotes/journal at taintme)it was really trully small and sorta secretive loser-ish community. i didnt know one single other person (in the flesh, that is; i knew online people)-who wrote online or had ‘blogs’…But now:its a totally different ‘thing’ , blogging is. Lots and lots of people i know and am related to even, write online..
i wonder sometimes, what the hell i could have done with mine – had i had foresight or motivation..
oh well. i love it still.the outlet is irreplaceable and as it stands taintme has become my secret soapbox, private journal, crush keeper, gossip outlet and theraputic-confidant. its the most consistant ritual ive had in in my adult life. this ..blog thing taintme.
it has directly caused me: to lose friendships, total embarrasment, gotten me a date, ( ONE…and it sucked)
broughtme closer to family members, made me a few new friends..and lots of other random attributes i cant remember . so thats kewl.
next order of my mind:
i feel directionless right now. like im swimming in my life , but its a wading pool. and its really hot out..so i just stay in the water cause its cooler..and sorta easier..albeit getting increasingly more uncomfortable.. I just tread water to avoid getting out and having to deal.’
kinda a bad analogy..but im overtired and the visual is working for me. forgive.
i wonder how i can change things now. i dont like this holding pattern at all , as of this week.
its so weird how i have tiny revelations over nothing ( seemingly) and all of a sudden my life doesnt work for me anymore.
Technorati Tags: hollywood, directionless, canada, farley mowatt, me, tannerc, tom green, jean chretian
I am overwhelmed with tiredness, and mad knowledge- i learned alot in a short time…( i was sorta temping for someone i really would like to work for fer real..and i astounded myself with my (unbeknow-ed to me)ability to absorb..I guess it has to do with being interested in what i was doing,huh?
so afterwards i got motivated to write..and write i did.. much (and quite well i might ad..)Only to have it all gone…
poof. fuck that shits lame and its always when i wrote ‘the piece’…The one that i feel like is the jumping off point
trying to get back into writing in here- things in my life feel awfully weird; lots of relationships that i had marked a ‘solid’ nhave fallen to the wayside.
felt sad etc etc. now just observant.
i hem and haw about writing in here, because im never sure who actally will read..so its sort of a gamble as to how honest and detailed i can get.
regardless..not much in the way of my life, the world is going off though.
have a renewed interest in politics and the way the americans interupttheir own.
its bizarre. aside from the 2 m’s in my life, evryone elseseems pretty washed and taken
nother one for the canadian education or more so..the cbc and unbiased journalism. thankyou.
i turned 33 a few weeks ago. woah. christ age.
pretty lonely event.
went to vegas to see band. came home early.turned 6lastt week. double woah.
dont care for much of any of this . lots of work, which i do like.
learning more.
underworld premier went w/ dlo to wes and heathersthen met ie and ls and the brkstr there. i sat outside the whole movie practically- it was cool looking just terrible seats in the front row to the left- killed my neck.i am so glad ls came – we got to hang out and smoke while they watched. she is funny.and loves ie and makes him happy. what more could one ask for?i wonder when i will have that. i am so barricaded – i am readfy for some dude to just break thru the barricades(to quote bry adams)and hiton me or something.weirdly awful-good-necasserry week. alcoholism suicide record release disconnected-ness.i feel conflicted and if step in the wrong spot i wil be blown up .i cant believe the insensitivity-or actually way beyond insensitivity-self obsessed false postuering behaviour of some.it saddens me to no end. i want things to be good and happy- moments like how i felt in qc. perfect able to be present feel joy in the moment and full odf love for evryone around me and gratitude for being where i was.i dont think this is unattainable- i just think so many others think it is that i forget that i can be happy at any chosen moment. i am disatisfied with my life in many areas after coming back from canada- i want to be inspired to do authentic stuff that i love-from my cells-like those around me- but the problem is i think my path is about love and service – cause the only thing i thrive in -is listening and understanding and showing different ways to people. fuck- i dont know what i am talking about- i do know that i miss people again. i stopped missing people a long time ago- perhaps out of self protection and part outof having unmissable people around. but now i do; i miss my dad. alot. i thought about him so much in canada it hurt my stomach . but i think missing people is indicitive of a void in my life- a lack of intimacy maybe- no i am intimate with a few people- i am definetly unguarded around 2 or 3 people- but never always and completely.i am scared of being really close because then…?
guess who’s back?been feeling very creatively stifled these past few months and that coupled with the fact that i wasnt realizing the impct or scope of my daily ramblings- i shut the whole damn thing down ,but i have lots in my head and and i have lots to still write about so in this time of great fear and and serious insanity in the world..i think i am insignifigant enough that i should be able to write my toughts and ideas down here.
so there.
still lame about writing. b is moving into a house wit h ns.
i am having a good productive day. up met cole on larchmont . home. picked up at hs. then met paula at 101 and e came.
then home then i am running put to ch’s house.
should be a huge run. i don’t know how far that is-but i think it is like 6 or 7 AT least.
ugh i am giving myself at least 1 and ahlaf hours to do it so i can jog…
hilarious emails from mjk on the road. he’s hating europe bored and sounds ready to come home.
i miss him alot.