Having not had my car available the last few weeks, i have found that old familiar teen angst feeling of being trapped .. not in big doses but definitely more prevalent than its been since…say highschool.. and i began to wonder why..
..was i feeling lonely? noo
friend lacking/leftout?nope… was i gettng depressed becuase the California DMV is so atrocious?..well… not yet..So then where the hell was this left behind anxiety of yester-teen years coming from??
I mean.. i was home more than not , but that is perfectly NORMAL for a lady of my age..i was trully perplexed (AND anx ridden) …
..then tonight ..as i sat on the deck. sundown.. almost summer…somewhat sulking about missing out on a few activities i planned and looked frwd to partaking in.. .. .. I casually decide to READ TWITTER UPDATES OF MY FRIENDS AWESOME PARTYING NIGHT.. dude there it was : the root anxiety…It was stemming from twitter, and the instant play by plays it was giving poor left-at-home me-Reading in real-time of the moments ill never be in – it was playing it to m y 14 yr old grounded self.
Imagine if there had been twitter/facehooker/social media/ rss feeds available like this at 14?? ..when i was grounded? FUCKME that would have been the end of my parents thread-of sanity with me around.
every detail.. each song.. the details and speediness are what got me.
i found my self imaging what it was really like.. what would be played nest.. if he was talking to to her..Again: f#cking-BRUTAL.