solar plexus

this week has been like the opening of my solar plexus..i cried so hard and felt like it would never stop. i can still feel the feeling in my tummy of overwhelming grief..but it’s distant and calmer now. i howled like a dog yesterday. the hurt was deep. i felt like i finally realized how much i betray myslef by being in these has notheing to do with them except i pick them for the abuse of my soul body etc…hopefully i am aware of my value for now and will stay away from this sort of being from now on and just see them with compassion and love. i feel sad and i miss chris. the parts i miss arent real though. i only miss what i gave hiom..i put in sooo much for a few seconds of him being pplayful and goi g into monkey talk.i totally lost my sense of who i am and what i am capable of, its bummed me out so hard that i couldnt even see the difference in the perspective anymore. i am so able to move thru this and not lose the lesson. i chose this situaation on earth and i must learn it or repeat it..