q#2;describe your father:what was he like whe u were a child?as u grewup?
my dad was very kind and gentle as i got older, but as a child he was very gruff and grumpy and distant, i was scared of him till i was about 18. he wasn’t that present in my life(although my parents were always married)he was a workaholic- i remember him as happiest when other grownups were around-at parties etc.
he sometimes doted on me as a child-told me i was just like him-i loved that-
he was extra tough on my little brother-as i grewup he grew more passive and gentle-
k.FINALLY got up and went to lc this am.had breakfast with the cute boy.
hmmm.rejuvenating and inspiring (to get me to more of these morning meetings)
feel kinda hungover today. going to an engagement party for dr and c.
have no real idea who will be there..as in :who i will know.
feel nervous, but am so tired it’ll be okay.
hoping french friends will be there.
a and c will be there, i’m sure.
daniel. , too which is good fun.
won’t be uncomfortable .
god i feel really dehydrated or something. just weird. not too bad.
{taintme}
last sunday was the funnest . aj organized a bday thing for me at dragonfly. in doing so it took all the stress off me..and cause only 5 people came it was idealic..
j and a and mw and sgp al came. i couldnt believ j came..AND the best part is he brought jps..my mostfavorite person i never see. he is alway on tours..but in town for 2 days and we snagged him.. he is trully one of the greatest people i ever met. but unless he is with a family band..he is not around.Last time i saw him was his bday brunch,(which was hosted here ) in january
What a treat..he danced all night too..and hes super into the airband..i asked if hed be my drumtech..and he not only said yes..but had a whole plan with us eventually opening for thatBand..
I think everyone had fun..the post show comments made in the morning were bang on-..they saw and appreciated all the great front row awesomeness i oft talk about.. (Thought my crush on singer was pretty ironically funny.noone ever take sme seriously man.)
my best link picks of 2004:
my fav kewl sites etc:
newstoday
MASSIVE CHANGE
free downloads
blue vertigo
photos 4 free
helpfulness
see all ur fonts
killer make-it-yourself-resourse
since coming back from canyon this am, i havent left the g-damn screen.
feel like i should go out for a walk or sumthing, just to get away fom computer.
guess im going away this weekend.
some party in vegas. flying out on saturday back sunday am.
its free so i cant complain!
and we’re being styled out.
i feel weird about alot of things right now. but i not bad bad weird,
just thinking about people and stuff , as i decipher the best way to designinfo layout ..
bo-r-i-n-g.
also watching dr doolittle.
i miss britishcolumbia when i see bears and mountains (presently in dr.dolittle )
its so funny how none of my friends here even know that as a kid we got picked up from school during ‘bear season’
when we lived in whistler-I dont think theyd believe me. i never cared about these things when i lived there..now (in my mind) i feel like ms.grzzly.adams, because of it. in my mind, mind you. i still get a little tripped out when it gets dark and im above hollywood blvd. ha
mom called from pakistan again. couldnt hear a fucking word.
hope she’s staying sober
its 8:02 ;i’ve run and
now im sitting in awesome-ness that is my living room .
..i took all the shit(clutter) out ,over the last few weeks and finally
it seems to be where i need it to be.
rug that dloh got me rules sooo much. i will never underestimate the design eye of dannylohner again.
now i must figure out if im moving the office or not.
hmmmm
i like my life in this moment very much.
nothing but fun desicions
running makes me euphoric a bit, i think.
i know..i just forgot.
its a good euphoria though.
i ve got my notes and cameras and pb all spread before me with awesome mixes from L.c playing..
perhaps i may have some caffeine now.crazy
everything is so beautiful this morning.
long run
felt soo good.
getting back on cycle with running.
fin-a-fuck-ingly
a came to visit
she is very down.
so rather than work and bum out, i got out of myself and listened.
m took her to her doctor, she was soo bummed
now maria is here and i m preparing for new clients.
everythings different and the same
dragonfly last night.
seemed rather testosterone heavy..not in a good way.
slimy drunk guys interrupting dance time
drunk dumb asses bug me to the nth degree.
they are so unaware of personal space
i dont think i got one full song worth of dancing without
having to move or being shoved or some dude grinning and touching
trying to ‘dance’ with me.
yuck.
allison j. celebrated her ‘virginity’ loss anniversary?
albeit a dubious celebration she got the killer present:
the singer madeout w/ her(onstage)..luckyduck
still confused as to emails i received.
sorta feel like im on a reality show and i made it into the final round
you or not you?- sent a reply this afternoon..which i responded to. we’ll see.
gd hes sexy
this is a public service announcement for my crush
if u r the real deal, umm..
(and u read this..)
.first)
this is seriously embarressing-but funny
second)
email me again,tell me about the other parts ofyour life
( as u can readmine here..)
third)
due to serious shyness perhaps u could introduce yourself to me..?
fourth)
if ur not who u say u r..or u r and are oherwise occupied: nevermind
carryon…etc.
ok-if nothing else i have a funny story to relay of interconnectedness online crush
there.
underworld premier went w/ dlo to wes and heathersthen met ie and ls and the brkstr there. i sat outside the whole movie practically- it was cool looking just terrible seats in the front row to the left- killed my neck.i am so glad ls came – we got to hang out and smoke while they watched. she is funny.and loves ie and makes him happy. what more could one ask for?i wonder when i will have that. i am so barricaded – i am readfy for some dude to just break thru the barricades(to quote bry adams)and hiton me or something.weirdly awful-good-necasserry week. alcoholism suicide record release disconnected-ness.i feel conflicted and if step in the wrong spot i wil be blown up .i cant believe the insensitivity-or actually way beyond insensitivity-self obsessed false postuering behaviour of some.it saddens me to no end. i want things to be good and happy- moments like how i felt in qc. perfect able to be present feel joy in the moment and full odf love for evryone around me and gratitude for being where i was.i dont think this is unattainable- i just think so many others think it is that i forget that i can be happy at any chosen moment. i am disatisfied with my life in many areas after coming back from canada- i want to be inspired to do authentic stuff that i love-from my cells-like those around me- but the problem is i think my path is about love and service – cause the only thing i thrive in -is listening and understanding and showing different ways to people. fuck- i dont know what i am talking about- i do know that i miss people again. i stopped missing people a long time ago- perhaps out of self protection and part outof having unmissable people around. but now i do; i miss my dad. alot. i thought about him so much in canada it hurt my stomach . but i think missing people is indicitive of a void in my life- a lack of intimacy maybe- no i am intimate with a few people- i am definetly unguarded around 2 or 3 people- but never always and completely.i am scared of being really close because then…?
soooo little i have posted this year. so much has been going on,too. we r almost one year married-sept.8th.wow.
i ahve applied for a c,too.went to lollapalooza this weekend- with m and dia and omo. fun. but really hot.
sat on the bus alot to keep cool. theband was really good. i felt proud of m.i guess ,although ,he has been doing this since way before iknew him- it’s like(for me) having someone reach a really cool goal in their lives and you get to be part of it in support etc. i know he reached success etc along time befor i met him- but the universe put him in my life so i could see what it was like to be creating from the source and how it all affects so many people .sometimes i think the beauty of m is that he has no REAL idea how authentic he is. he has followed his dreams and let the universe lead him via his voice and lyrics-yet he struggles with people soo much and has such a childlike way of handling his ‘fame’ it’s sweet, actually.
dlo is the same in many ways but because he has been overshadowed by the ‘lead singer syndrome’ for his whole career he doesnt see/feel his impact via fame – and so the sense of how much he is following his authentic path and how he affects the world is less obivious to him-its interseting being around these guys for this sort of observing-i try and figure out why i have these guys so deeply entrenched in my life…but it never comesclear.
if it was about me seeking to be around fame or whatever-i definetly wouldnt have drawn these heavymetal guys in- im more inclined to belive if it were about that -i would have people like lfb in my life…(j/k)
i am sure its for something more to do with authenticity despite postion socially -because i really forget who they are until i am at something like lollapalooza and they get on stage and i see the insane reactions from the crowd.it’s disarming-but i forget ‘who’they r to the world because of their attitudes not because of me..i am al to aware most times of social positioning and fame…it’s these particular people who have come to be so important to me because they have never given me any moments EVER of sincerly being aware of their ‘it’ factors..i have more ego etc in my work than they do in theirs..and that is saying ALOT
it is almost getting ok to be living w/out AC. i have never been so crazy from the heat before- i was depressed and suffocated for a few days…wow. who woulda thought?dp and i have been out to the valley a couple times- got to hear the band rehearse. fun. jf has worn the same white suit for like 4 day s onsecutive- full white button down w/jacket pant hat and glasses…that is commitment. no washing of it or nuthing. hot.
i took jp and gf and friend to see the monkeys this eve. dlo was out but i got to see the dog and lily and he got along too well…alot of humping.
not very tired but very introspective. feel like change is on the horizon for me. i dont know in what form but something big.
p-o-ed. i am . i just got royally stood up by d and m. feel like this was some sort of personal afront to me. ( but, of course i know it wasnt..im just over being third wheel)