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seems so pious
seems so pious to think about filling in the details of my life over the last few days- today seems like a dream- the first call i got was from ie at 6;50am then i went to the lc and it was weird. eerie and grey…which in and of itself isn’t wierd,because the weather has…
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feeling like the world
it keeps feeling like the world is pulling away from me. my world. what i believed was true for me. i am so sure i am doing the right thing by being here and taking care ,yet as i start to feel renewed and cohesive with the world, i get sent an email or receive…
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emailed l. ahh well . i miss him. point blank. i …
emailed l. ahh well . i miss him. point blank. i feel better; like a pressure is off ,now that i sent an email. i feel like we were in this stand off…El Silencio. went to the lc this am. actually got there early – sat with db, who is back from nyc for the…
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woke up w/ the fear
woke up with fear and sadness and anger..for no reason that i can thinkof. this is horrible. i am not into this anxiety thing. i can’t handle it at all. what am i supposed tp do?i feel like i have over talked it w/ my few friends. i feel very alone right now. scared .i…
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he called
l called around 8:30.he cme over. when he walked in it was as though no time or bad stuff had passed between us. i feel so deeply connected to him.in agood safe way.i have a clue as to what the purpose of our relationship is..or what it was.it is very powerful though. i made amends…
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solarplexus
yesterday the pain in my solarplexus was unreal..unbearable..rendered me weepy,unfunctioning.well not completely, got out of bed, got a job doing a web site, payed some bills.seem to have super strong faith right now,a and i are getting back on track.sweet relief. i missed her , i wasn’t mad . i was hurt like a mutha…
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ohhh..the horror
ohhh..the horror of my solar plexus and it’s sucking leaky tragic energy. it feel so overwhelming of late. basically it is screaming so loud for a mutha frickin cigarette. the banter back and forth of the last two days has spurred this energy on…..and banter is all it is. i am not getting anything i…
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El Silencio
emailed l. ahh well . i miss him. point blank. i feel better; like a pressure is off ,now that i sent an email. i feel like we were in this stand off…El Silencio. went to the lc this am. actually got there early – sat with db, who is back from nyc for the…
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good start
seems to be good start to today..first in a long ass time. got up at 7am cabin, urth saw chris r. and lou. nice -felt (feel) good going to pay gas bill and then take care of dwp…then work out perhaps.. very tenative as to mood etc. a and c are back, hmmm… last night…
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worked out like a fiend
just went to the gym..worked out like a fiend still felt fat , though listened to my messages (hadn’t for three days) oops wendy is really upset taking her out for dinner nice get -out-of-myself behaviour fuck i’m sooo bummed out still i don’t know what to do about anything i should just smoke and…