devastated again..

woke up devastated again..
i’m totally at a loss as to what to do. mom called first thing this morning.
she is can’t help & we ended up fighting like the old days-
so much pain under everything now.
i could not stop the feelings of desperation
i almost made a phone call i definetly should not be making.
i just feel so overwhelmed if i even think about my situation.
i literally could not get out of bed .d came over ..early..tried to help..
had lunch w/lala and d
slept later . a’s dinner for bday, then to les duex .weird vibe.not a bad time. really like a and n.
the kind of couple that gives me hope(?)
feel so lonely, crazy fuckinglonely, actually.