Posts Tagged ‘oldShit’
im fairly bored these days…and as i am truely boycrazy and there doesnt seems to be any boys to be crazy about around me…i adapted the ‘boyfriend application” from somewhere – so as to be more me/la/friendly…
if u feel excited by the thought of me and carrot cake and gingerale…. …GO HERE and send to me. asap.
be anonymous if you want. i dont care .
just got off the phone w/ nb, she got a new s. wow. my feelings weren’t even hurt.
i just helped where i could. told her to pray to whoever she thought was out there to help her get through this perod.i am so glad i made an amends to her. feel helpful .
took max over to cb and he got soo much attention, i even got some guys # for potential work- through the dog!
feel a bit ‘off’ still…had to have a nap this afternoon. but definetly much moh bettah than past few days.
max is trying to get my attention with his bone thingy ..
had a great time w/ ajp .lnite. mj joined us . as did j. but it was good to just hang with ajp for awhile.
i think he’s really happy with l. gives me hope that i can find that someday(?)
just got back from brkfast w/many versions on cuteboys.
very intresting -had a great visit with A
sunday went to dragonfly.
everything is weird i have a serious crush . LIKE HIGHSCHOOL.
kasabian is so good. so is new xx.
xxxx is hotter than most. no chin and all.
x writes good songs.
there will be other new music out in the new year, that will guarantee to blow everyone.i m very excited by little bits ive gotten to hear.
i would like to be dating right now , but only specific persons..not the ones that are offering up their services. damn.
would the hot ones(to me) puleessee get a clue and step up?
god its so frustrating.. be a dude. step up . sweep me off my feet.
im not putting any effort in till i get hit on -point blank. but then ill put in effort
i must say though.. this evenings dance moves seemed especially dazzling.
and the first set of ‘guest’ dancers were AWEsum.
a bit different than what we usually see…a little, shall we say, ‘tougher’?
more .. ‘melissa ethridge’ than your average sunday softcore dancer.
but they Just saddled on up there , rawkinHard around the band..yet,
focusing most of this down n dirty awesome-ness on ( of course) lead singer kevin Even my fellow canadian, avril lavigne’s guest spot , although super kickass and all… ..
didnt hold a candle to the less famous antics…such as..
say… the ultra-aggressive ‘dry humping’ of above forementioned lead singer by 4..5? 7?.. of the bands finest fans, during the always rowdy ‘like a virgin’ cover.
hmmmm.
None of these girls looked or acted much like virgins.
In fact , they looked well versed in how to hump ferreal……..
although, it sorta looked like kevin got hurt , but that could of been pleasurable pain,…..
i mean really..what do i know?
BUT…The bestest part by far, was the front row awesome-ness.
From start to finish these girls ruled in all their fascinating comehitherness. i need a camera to document. its trully spectacular.
*note:..i m not sure they are aware these guys are a cover band..?
underworld premier went w/ dlo to wes and heathersthen met ie and ls and the brkstr there. i sat outside the whole movie practically- it was cool looking just terrible seats in the front row to the left- killed my neck.i am so glad ls came – we got to hang out and smoke while they watched. she is funny.and loves ie and makes him happy. what more could one ask for?i wonder when i will have that. i am so barricaded – i am readfy for some dude to just break thru the barricades(to quote bry adams)and hiton me or something.weirdly awful-good-necasserry week. alcoholism suicide record release disconnected-ness.i feel conflicted and if step in the wrong spot i wil be blown up .i cant believe the insensitivity-or actually way beyond insensitivity-self obsessed false postuering behaviour of some.it saddens me to no end. i want things to be good and happy- moments like how i felt in qc. perfect able to be present feel joy in the moment and full odf love for evryone around me and gratitude for being where i was.i dont think this is unattainable- i just think so many others think it is that i forget that i can be happy at any chosen moment. i am disatisfied with my life in many areas after coming back from canada- i want to be inspired to do authentic stuff that i love-from my cells-like those around me- but the problem is i think my path is about love and service – cause the only thing i thrive in -is listening and understanding and showing different ways to people. fuck- i dont know what i am talking about- i do know that i miss people again. i stopped missing people a long time ago- perhaps out of self protection and part outof having unmissable people around. but now i do; i miss my dad. alot. i thought about him so much in canada it hurt my stomach . but i think missing people is indicitive of a void in my life- a lack of intimacy maybe- no i am intimate with a few people- i am definetly unguarded around 2 or 3 people- but never always and completely.i am scared of being really close because then…?
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please press play for posts theme song- it really adds to the reading..
PICTURE THIS, if you will:
YOU( or me in this scenario) have terrible mood-swing style PMS- and Agree to drive 4 LA based control freak friends (on American thanksgiving weekend), < from LA to san diego , to an arena rock-show..-and the be sure that all your above aforementioned passengers have maudlin leaning fondness for rockband playing show of which you speak.
Why are you driving them ..u ask?
well see.. u are THE conduit to said band -as in u are not just getting them there…you are their tickets and passport to that special vip status any good Angolan ..of the vip-hollywood corner expects.. you dont go to shows without access.. Ever.Especially not in somewhere faraway..like SD.
So you (and your PMS) are the one-2-know -
That special someone associated with said band and the passangers/ fans have laid their velvet rope high expectations: on YOU(with PMS).- to not only deliver them via southern california freeway on a holiday…but insure them their Hollywood citzen rights of VIP everything .got it?
k.. Arrive in sandiego and start attempting to call your conduit to vip- only to find your brand new hollywood digital phone service doesnt work past venice beach…?WHAT?
So with only your raging hormones guiding you (your passengers are useless past olympic blvd…they just smoke and wait for you to deliver)You somehow make it to the bohemth arena rock stadium..and gain contact w/ friend-in-band friend…BUt…as i mentioned a few times.. you and your pms self..well..you immeadiatley pick a fight with him.So, now..youve alienated your connection , and have a crew of fully disapointed ‘not good out of their elements’ Hollywood type group you transported nagging you to make up with him.. please ..cause they just want to meet/greet / get autograph blah blah…painfully and begriudging due to PMS..Somehow get it sorted to a point where they get in to see the show.. and get them backstage postshow-to the mythical party room..otherwise known as ‘meet n greet’).. get them their meetings/autographs..phewf..almost done eh?
oh no.. its not over for you yet..nooope.When saying byebye ( and apolgizing through grittd teeth to friend you lost it undesrvingly on) realize you have lost your ONLY set of car keys..Its 3 am…you’re 3 hours from home..have no credit card..you?That ‘group’ has no empathy/sympathy/ apathy…they all flee in next departing cars….as u get dropped off…in parking lot of some crack motel…30 dollars type–dont sleep or brush teeth- At first light.. find way to back to the parking structure where said vehicle is…****Remember you have no cell service…this is all via payphone and goodfaith***..wait for triple A-for 5 hours- only to have them tell you that they wont/cant tow your car..have another 2 hours wait for the paid tow truck…Arrive at the dealership just as they close…..only to be told the key will take approx. 1-2 weeks to be made…murphys law? mercury retrograde? ( PMS )shitfuckhellpisscrap.fuckemall.
Then have loving friends drive down in friday afternoon holiday southern california traffic to pick u up…( thnkU)..But wait…more:About 10 miles to far to turn back..
You realize ( silently of course..at this point) you left your phone( that didnt have service in area) at the dealership.
all true.And that my friends..is my worstcasescenario.
sign my godamned gbook please. am sitting home , sat eve. dinner at the indian place. yum.
ch is here. guess where? i just went to the video store and rented a few videos- funny thing- i have not done that in years…years LITERALLY
woke up devastated again..
i’m totally at a loss as to what to do. mom called first thing this morning.
she is can’t help & we ended up fighting like the old days-
so much pain under everything now.
i could not stop the feelings of desperation
i almost made a phone call i definetly should not be making.
i just feel so overwhelmed if i even think about my situation.
i literally could not get out of bed .d came over ..early..tried to help..
had lunch w/lala and d
slept later . a’s dinner for bday, then to les duex .weird vibe.not a bad time. really like a and n.
the kind of couple that gives me hope(?)
feel so lonely, crazy fuckinglonely, actually.