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have babies and eat fruit
sd w/ ns and hil -lots of people there. crowded. sat with ad and jg. sex in the city with j and e . nice mellow eve. too much food though. full. lala and coleycole are back. mjk called -hes back tomorrow . on my run today i kept having flashes of things i want…
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good weird
haven’t written in so long-things are weird-good weird, i guess. i have noticed how much i have actually changed through this past year . i mean i know i ‘grew’ or whatever. but i am aware that , organically , i am different-my actual responses and actions and motivating factors are totally new and different.my…
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meeting with ap
met ap.sat thru the whole damn meeting.good for us. then to urth w/lou. who is devastated by j. which i find mind boggling, as he is such a drip. ahh well. i am sure the whole world thinks my choices in men are a bit dodgy..which i guess they are. i worked out for awhile…
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want to smoke
tired . had a really great day.not such a great evening. tired and want to smoke…eating instead. will be fat person , i guess. no i ‘ll smoke before i get really fat. or i’ll go to rehab for food addiction . that sounds nice.. 28 days at a nice rehab.. relaxing, going to ‘group’,…
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weird nice
dk and i walked up the street ,got coffees and then we walked down to some little used book store and he made me pick out 5 books. it was so nice. weird nice. like the kind of thing you do with a new boyfriend but you are so giddy you miss half the experience..but…
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4:49
it’s 4:49..haha G’s joke on me…well i have tried to ‘take care’ of myself today. i went to the CH..saw CD and karen..left, then went to whole foods.. asked about nerve tonics for smoking cessation..?? got some homeopathic thing.. home.. ate sugar(fuckbadshitbadbad..)..worked alittle . fell asleep(because of sugar , no doubt) woke , ate salad…
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so sad and angry
i am so sad and angry i don’t know when this is going to stop i want to smoke more than i’ve ever wanted to do anyfuckingthing in my life. i’m so gaddamned irratating.(oops freudian slip?meant to say irratated..) i am supposed to be at ap’s grammy party, then to karaoke. whatever..i’m still in my…