Posts Tagged ‘crushes’
today i spent the better part of the day “off”, per se.
in actual..the morning was not off.. i was dealing with the house and financial shit.. but around 2pm, a new friend came over and we kinda played hooky.
super fun.
went to venice for dinner walked the boardwalk after , got lattes and drove home and played on computers.
phone not answered, emails not read.. and ok with it. ( wow)
Or "how James frey Stole My Future husband" You see..when that shit book originally came out- and everyone was raving about (and buying) James Freys :
“ .. shattering, beautiful memoir, A Million Little Pieces,"Basically , i saw it as being personally dream- jacked Read More
Perhaps i have insomnia?, add?, lack of something….but for some reason
..i ended up staying up way too late even though im exhausted…and perusing local blogs. i dont do this often anymore..seemed for awhile it got to be less interesting when every teenager in asia started a blog and id somehow end up on those…but with recent discover of local community rolls..a la ‘lablogs‘ etc etc…i got to looking and reading..some really fuckin awesome sites . blogs with the same base purpose and enjoyment that i have..which i like..not monitary based,..and not ‘contrived’… more outlet based.
Funnily , the one i ended up reading the longest was Tom Greens, i’d seen it last year some time..xmas i think.. and i remember liking it alot, but as i tend to do..i forgot about it..but there it was tonight on blogebrity, i believe..and as i ve been feeling homesick-ish as of late..it was comforting to read. First cause he’s canadian ..and because hes been writing from up there( sakatchewan , and ottawa to be exact,) and one of the first blurbs i read..he referrenced Farely Mowat damn! that got me.wolves and owls…tres canadianne
i forgot how much i loved those books.
and he got to meet Jean Chretian, and it just had a lovely canadian tone.. down to hanging with his parents (sorta) playing trivial pursuit .
he just seems like a nice smart grounded boy. *but then again i seem alot of things via this that i dont think i am in real life…oh what do i know?..im definetly over tired, dude.*
anyway..its a great site.
all this perusing got me thinking , too..about how weird & common “blogging” is….
DISCLAIMER: i am about to do ‘back when i started blogging” thing..but its not meant to be a condescending or territorial..just observatory and speculative ..allright?k..
so..carry on my wayaward sons:
Back when i started doing this ( writingnotes/journal at taintme)it was really trully small and sorta secretive loser-ish community. i didnt know one single other person (in the flesh, that is; i knew online people)-who wrote online or had ‘blogs’…But now:its a totally different ‘thing’ , blogging is. Lots and lots of people i know and am related to even, write online..
i wonder sometimes, what the hell i could have done with mine – had i had foresight or motivation..
oh well. i love it still.the outlet is irreplaceable and as it stands taintme has become my secret soapbox, private journal, crush keeper, gossip outlet and theraputic-confidant. its the most consistant ritual ive had in in my adult life. this ..blog thing taintme.
it has directly caused me: to lose friendships, total embarrasment, gotten me a date, ( ONE…and it sucked)
broughtme closer to family members, made me a few new friends..and lots of other random attributes i cant remember . so thats kewl.
next order of my mind:
i feel directionless right now. like im swimming in my life , but its a wading pool. and its really hot out..so i just stay in the water cause its cooler..and sorta easier..albeit getting increasingly more uncomfortable.. I just tread water to avoid getting out and having to deal.’
kinda a bad analogy..but im overtired and the visual is working for me. forgive.
i wonder how i can change things now. i dont like this holding pattern at all , as of this week.
its so weird how i have tiny revelations over nothing ( seemingly) and all of a sudden my life doesnt work for me anymore.
Technorati Tags: hollywood, directionless, canada, farley mowatt, me, tannerc, tom green, jean chretian
so maria is here scouring out the spiders and mould i have accumulated over the terrential downpour season ,( as apposed to rainy )
havent heard hide nor hair of mom. shitty.
..yesterday was interesting/cool. i offered up my house for jken to host a brunch for jp ‘s bday here ( JP doesnt live here, he’s from the NorthEast-but as is nature of the a long healthy rocknroll careeer – he has many friends/fam in hollywood)…random nice interesting.easy.
Although..i was a little worse for the wear at the start -jken called to start seting up just as i was 30 mins into a lite sleep…**remember?i was up fixxing my PBook alll night. -i bet i looked cute ….to the cool & odd assortment of JP’s LA based friends collected in.. friends/fam from varying tours arrived..No biggy , really, if it had been only these…a and d , dcr and his new friendee and t(* who , i just found out, lives in the same building as the BLACK DAHLIA lived in….how bill curtis cool is that?) kit wes….jk ab dloh etc….but there was one guitartech that arrived ..and seeing as i only ever seethese people at concerts …i was a little taken aback ..and then a certain guitarTech INTERUPT THIS POST FOR STORY REFFERAL *the boy from 2 falls ago, who was j’s guitar tech..and at some point during beg. of tour?or reheasals..i decided was my kinda sk8tr cute…no biggie- i crush in n out all day everyday..’cept..i ,at some point,then mention it on IM while they are away ..and jk(out of boredom..or maybe cause he was mid relashionshit..so he wtd friends to be too?)anyways..he tells me to come out on the road and visit.. ( this is how a rwkstar sets up his friends) …i do..(cause thats cool trip regardless of setup..)
except i pick the fricking week they’re in minneapolis…indiana, i think? mid west , regardless in REAL winter…and upon my arrival…The guy…he…(cute sk8tr guitar tech) …never… said …one…word to me. not one. From the moment i arrived to the day i departed..not hi even.
in hinde sight..i guess.. there is something about the boss of you on tour , telling you to like some girl hes bff with, and ..well…i guess that’s prolly kinda daunting/weird and perhaps OFF putting. )..
But…as the worldturnsout….. i ended up having the best trip, i think becuase , we were in such little earnest towns. canadain-ish.no one else was out visiting, so i got to do the passes for tf and stuff. of course my fake pretend boyfriend/funniest person ever was there too(jfr)…so it was fun. But eversince this trip – i ve felt mighty awkward -kind of a lot like the homely little sister of the cool guys-around guitarTechDude…ive only seen him at their shows ..maybe 4 more times.but to see him walk in to my living room, after i was up fixing the computer all night, expecting no former present or future crushes to arrive at all…..hmm. well i ll just say this thank J H christ-uffer that i no longer have a crush – cause otherwise i would be in a pit of unrest over this.* END OF REF STORY…
but… someone was cute to me yesterday…weird strange new crush on someone maybe? i m not telling anyone ; because my dear dotting friends/family with their over zealous need to figure out why i dont “date” like them…. either get so happy im liking someone that they overdue the PUSH.(see above).ahem..or they’ll shoot it down HARD- which sucks equally. i mean who wants to date someone yourfriends think is dumb.raison nuomere trois : why allison doesn’t date.
just when i feel good and as though i am over all past grievances-i get hit with something from left field.
ran into vh on larchmont and came across the fact that we both knew someone in common and she was seriously crushing on him…ykw. god, i felt so weird and icky. it made me feel sad.
i am over it-i just haven’t had to share this area with anyone i know… now she seems to have ..well whatever it all doesn’t matter anymore-he hates me and i know the truth. it’s nothing more than the facts.
i guess ijust thought it was a special thing between us and from what she says -they have the exact same thing..that is what makes me sad-as the whole thing took so long for me to rectify..i had it down to the fact that we had that time together for whatever reasons and the gift was the shaft of light that peeked in when we were together-the whole passing in the night thing but more ‘poetic’ whatever-i guess not.