they keep pulling me back in…..

when you thin your life out , via separating yourself from certain friends and associates…and consciously choose to withdraw from situations that seem to have caused you grief…its a good thing.
i am used to 120 friends and phone calls a day ….and in the great cleanout of 2005 it has dropped remarkably..( 100 percent for the most of those calls were annoying timesuckers and led to drama and chaos that usually wasnt mine…but somehow always drew me in)
… now i am contacted , perhaps 5 times a day and 3 of those are usually work.
which is great and a total feat for my codependant self….
Except are bored and/or lonely. (not lonely like crying miserable codependant lonely…more subtle )
.and this will happen when you clean out the clutter… .
because see, the new life has these moments of deadair , which are fine and probably very healthy..
it just seems that at the quietest and hollowest of these longer moments .. i am most vulnerable to falling in and back…ie:making a call’ just to see whats up’ with old so-and-so.….never a good idea, im finding out..cause its always the same….
sure the old aquaints can fill my deadair up ;
even make me feel great for a few minutes….but soon enough they are trying to pull me back in….
via telling me their stories of chaos and betrayl- that are usually the exact same as last year…but always very very important and real to them and all of a sudden seemingly real to me….


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